2 Ways to Keep Learning the Guitar Fun For Your Kid

2Learning to play the guitar is hard work.

From finger pain to stalled progress, there are many obstacles that can (and will) get in the way of your kid learning to play guitar. And if you (and your kid) are not careful, the learning process will become nothing more than an obligation and will soon after turn to a chore that gets put off and ignored until finally the guitar is sold on ebay for a tenth of what you bought it for.

And one of the best ways to keep your kid interested in learning to play the guitar is to keep it fun. I’m sure you’ve already found that whether it be school work, playing sports, or learning a language, the more fun your kid is having when she’s learning something, the more likely she will be to continue. But when it comes to guitar, you might be a little short on ideas for keeping things, “fun”, so below are three ways to help you keep learning the guitar fun for your kid.

1. Stop Demanding to Hear Progress
Learning the guitar is a tricky thing. It may take weeks to be able to press the strings down hard enough to make a chord sound like a chord, but then a few weeks after that your kid might already be learning her first song. Every kid learns at their own pace and yours is no different. Yes, your kid should be progressing and improving after lessons and after she practices. But standing over her and saying, “Okay, let’s hear what you’ve learned.” is only going to create panic in the heart of your kid as the clock ticks down toward the worst recital of her life. Let her practice, let her progress, and celebrate with her when she does!

2. Let Her Pick Out Her “Dream-Guitar”
This is not to be done online. Get in the car and drive either to the local store or to a chain and get her in front of a bunch of guitars. Let her walk around and introduce her to the people working there. Let them tell you about their favorite guitars and why they like them and then comes the fun part: The Selection. Point to the guitars and tell your kid to pick out her favorite and then stay there as long as it takes until she finds the perfect one. Let her hold them, play them, and when she finds the one that speaks to her, take a picture of her holding it. Finally, put it back on the wall and tell her guitars like that are reserved for the best players, and she’s got a lot of work to do to get there.

This is not about picking out a guitar to buy for her. This is about casting vision for her spirit and allowing her to find a guitar that connects with her that doesn’t make her fingers hurt (like the one that she practices on). Maybe you work out a deal where she can earn it, maybe you surprise her with it for her birthday, the guitar itself isn’t the end goal. The goal is to first of all, have some fun in a music store, but also to show her that she shouldn’t put any limits on what she can accomplish or afford.

Whether it’s keeping your expectations in check or letting her hold a $1,500 Fender Stratocaster, continue to find ways to keep the learning process fun for your kid. There will be roadblocks along the journey and rather than force her to just press on to the point of “blowing a tire”, maybe take some time to take an exit, enjoy a Slush Puppie, then get back on the road. If you keep it fun, then you’ll keep her playing. And you never know, it might not be too long before she’s taking that dream-guitar off the wall and onto a tour bus.

What is another way that you can think of to keep learning the guitar fun?

Guitar Buying Guide – Part 1 – Acoustic or Electric?

Guitar BuyingGuideJust when you thought the hard part was over.

You’ve successfully managed to to talk your kid into learning an instrument and even settled on one that he said that he wouldn’t mind learning: guitar. You’re excited because you see guitar as one of those “lifetime” instruments that he will be able to play for the rest of his life. He’s excited because today is the day that you both are going to the music store to let him pick out a guitar. You drive to the store, get out of the car, walk in the door and ask the salesperson “I’m looking for the guitars.” He slyly points over his shoulder toward what can only be described as a “wall of guitars” and as your kid grabs your hand and begins to drag you in that direction, you ask yourself a simple question: “What have I gotten myself into?”

Just when you thought the hard part was over.

Has this ever been you?

The guitar-buying process can be stressful and confusing and without a competent and trusted friend or sales associate guiding you through the process, it can feel overwhelming and almost paralyzing. In one area you see thin, colorful guitars that look like something Eric Clapton or Jimi Hendrix played and in a whole other section, sometimes in a room by themselves, you see fatter, wood-colored guitars that look like the guitar that James Taylor or David Crosby played.

Suddenly uncertainty anxiety engulf whatever optimism you had left about trying to buy a guitar today and the questions start to clog up the traffic in your brain like an overturned tractor-trailer on the highway.

Questions like:
…”Why are these guitars in a different area?”
…”Why are these guitars thinner than the other ones in that room?”
…”Which one of these is the ‘Beginner’ guitar?”
…”Why is the room spinning?”

In order to help you keep from having a similar situation when YOU go to the music store to buy your kid his first guitar, I’ve come up with a simple “Guitar Buying Guide” that will take you through some of the more confusing and difficult steps of the guitar buying process. The goal of sharing some of these tips with you is to arm you with confidence and keep you from feeling overwhelmed when you approach the “wall of guitars.”

And we are starting today where most people start when they walk into a music store and are directed toward the guitar area and have to decide between the “wall of guitars” (Electric) or the “room of guitars” (Acoustic). The format will be a simple “Frequently Asked Questions” format with a question and then an answer underneath it. Remember, the goal is not to turn you into an expert or to even help you outsmart one of the store employees, but to simply arm you with confidence as you help your kid not only learn to play an instrument, but hopefully fall in love with music. Let’s get started.

A C O U S T I C    V S .   E L E C T R I C

1. What’s the difference between the two?
An electric guitar typically has a solid body and needs to be plugged into an amplifier or alternate source (computer) to be played and heard. An acoustic guitar, while it can be plugged in like an electric guitar, typically has a hollow body and can be played without being plugged in and still retains the integrity of its intended sound.

2. Which is a better “starter” guitar?
Determining which guitar is a better depends on a few different variables and is not as simple of an answer as choosing one or the other. Below I will have a pro/con answer for each type, but here I will answer that question with a question of my own. Why does your kid want to play guitar? If your kid wants to play the guitar because he sees people playing the electric guitar and he wants to do what they do, then get your kid an electric. If he sees people playing an acoustic guitar and wants to be like them, then start him on acoustic. Getting your kid to practice and improve as a guitar player is already an uphill battle in itself, so make sure that you’re starting him off on the right foot by including him in the buying process. When in doubt, ask your kid.

3. Is the acoustic guitar a good guitar for a beginner?
First of all, because of the way it is built, an acoustic guitar is a good guitar for beginners because it can be picked up and played in a matter of seconds and requires no additional equipment to plug into or connect to. It has great mobility so if your kid wants to practice in his room one day and on the porch the next, he can do it relatively easily without having to move anything but his guitar. Because of this, however, the strings on an acoustic guitar are a little thicker and require more pressure on them (by your kid’s fingers) to get a good sound out of them. This can create more fingertip pain for your kid than if he were playing an electric (which would still cause some pain) and if not managed properly could become a reason why he might consider quitting down the road.

The difficulty however, which could be a deterrent for some, can actually be an advantage if he would ever want to switch to learn to play an electric guitar at some point later in the learning process. Many guitarists will say that the physical act of playing an electric guitar is easier than playing an acoustic and your kid will be more likely to attempt a switch if he is going from hard to easy than if he was going from easy to hard. The thing to assess is whether or not your kid has the physical strength or the desire to work through the process of pressing the strings down until it sounds good. If so, then an acoustic might be the place to start.

To check out the article I wrote about helping your kid deal with finger pain, CLICK HERE!

4. Should I start my kid out on an electric guitar?
One of the reasons that the electric guitar is great for beginners is because it is so easy to play. While the chords and the notes are not necessarily any easier, the guitar itself, because of how close the strings are to the neck and because the strings themselves are actually thinner, the physical act of practicing and playing the guitar is easier. With finger pain being a major issue that beginning guitar students deal with, the simple act of being easier and less of a roadblock to mastery might be enough for you and your kid to decide that the electric guitar is the place to start.

One of the major drawbacks of learning to play on an electric guitar is that to get a true sound of what the guitar sounds like, you will also need to get your kid some sort of amplifier and an instrument cable (that will connect the guitar to the amplifier.) The “amp” is not just a tool to make the guitar louder (it does do that), but it also (depending on the amp that you get) can give the guitar different sounds and can even help your kid feel like what he is playing sort of sounds like the music he listens to on his iphone. They can be somewhat expensive, but if your kid truly wants to learn to play the electric guitar, then the extra cost might be a worthwhile expense if it means your kid is going to work hard and stick with it.

5. Which guitar did I start out on?
When I was twelve years old, my dad (a guitar guy) bought a new Fender Stratocaster and offered to teach me on it. Because it was an electric guitar, the playability was there, but the interest was nowhere to be found. Sadly, three chords and two weeks later, I was officially done learning to play guitar.

Fast forward six years later and I’m getting ready to begin my freshman year of college. For some reason, I ask my dad if I can take his black Epiphone acoustic guitar to college with me so I can actually learn to play guitar. Given my history with the guitar, he was understandably skeptical about my work ethic and made a deal with me that if I took the guitar and learned how to play, he would give it to me; straight up. But if I didn’t learn to play the guitar, then he was going to take it back and sell it.

For me, learning to play the guitar was less about the kind of guitar and was all about the environment in which I learned. As a kid, I was practicing upstairs on a couch by myself fumbling between the “E” and the “A” chords. But as a college student, I was surrounded by guys on my hall who had guitars and some of them actually knew how to play them! They helped me learn by showing me where to place my fingers on the frets and giving me sheet music to work from. To this day, thirteen years later, I still have yet to learn to play the electric guitar. I have a really nice one that, one again, my dad generously bought for me, and I’m sure at some point, I’ll get it out and learn how to play.

6. Cute story, but seriously, which guitar is a better starter guitar for my kid?
If you can help your kid maneuver through the initial difficulty of playing and up the steep learning curve, I would recommend an acoustic guitar as the guitar that you buy for your kid to start out on. Outside of tuning it (every time), it is as simple as picking it up and playing. No cords, just chords.

But again, deciding between an acoustic and an electric guitar essentially comes down to which guitar is your kid more likely to fall in love with. Have a few conversations with him, ask him a few questions, and once you get to the music store you’re not playing “Let’s Make a Deal” as much you’re playing “Love Connection.”

More than recommending a style of guitar, I recommend building and developing a relationship with the guitar guys (or girls) at your local music store. Bring your kid in and meet them and let them help you find a guitar that not only fits your kid physically, but emotionally. It’s even a good idea to see if they have a money-back guarantee or a 100% value trade-in policy so that if for some reason it doesn’t work out with a certain style or model, you might have a chance to take it in and find something that might be a better fit for your kid. Ultimately, whichever style gets your kid excited about practicing and learning to play is the right one.

In your experience, which one of these is a better guitar for a beginner?

6 Experiences I Would Have Never Had If I Wasn’t A Musician

EXHIBITION (2)

That’s me, third from the left with the hair parted down the middle like a champ

Music has opened many doors for me throughout my life. It has given me the opportunity to do things and go places and be a part of things that I would have never had the opportunity to do had I not been a musician.

If you are not sure whether or not you want to let your kid get involved in music and be a part of his school’s music program or at least some music program, let me share a few experiences that I would have never had if I wasn’t a musician.

Indianapolis, Indiana – While not exactly a tourist attraction, this was less about the city and more about what was in the city. As a freshman at Lexington High School (in Lexington, Ohio), our marching band (The Band of Gold) had earned a trip to compete in the Bands of America competition that was held each year in the RCA dome, where the Colts used to play. We were in the locker-rooms, underneath the stands, and the feeling of marching out onto the field for the first time is still one of the coolest experiences of my life.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvaia – I switched schools my sophomore year of high school and ended up at Smithville High School (which is where I graduated from). It was quite a change from what I was used to, but had a chance to go and perform in our jazz band and symphonic band at a showcase with some other bands from all over the country. As a new kid in the school, it was a great chance to really get to know some people in the band and develop some friendships that would carry throughout my high school experience.

Orlando, Florida – My senior year, all of the school’s choir and band students took a trip to Disney to perform at various venues at and around the parks. We (the marching band) marched in the evening parade at The Magic Kingdom after spending an entire day running around the park and then spent the next two days at Epcot and MGM. And even though I think I gave my band director a tiny heart attack when I told him the morning of the parade that I had forgotten my sticks and shoes at the hotel, I’m pretty sure we’ve reached the point where we can laugh about it now. Well, I’m laughing. Mr. Moss, are you laughing? Too soon?

44 Football Games, Four Years – In addition to playing drums in the marching band, I really liked watching and playing sports. And one of my favorite parts of playing in the band was that I got to go to every single football game for free. Home games, away games, playoff games, I got free transportation, a free ticket, and free food during the third quarter from the band boosters. Many schools had the band bleachers right in the end zone, so we had the chance to be right up in the middle of some really competitive games, which I also loved. It gave me the opportunity to be in on the action without risking bodily harm (except the inevitable inner-ear damage).

Phnom Penh, Cambodia – The summer that I graduated from high school, I went on a mission trip to put on a series of concerts and events for university students in the capital city of Cambodia. We played popular songs with a full band (with me on the drums) and I even performed a few rap songs that I had written. They seemed to like our Steve Miller Band songs more than they did my rapping, but I think it’s because we had the country’s top lead guitarist playing with us and he was absolutely incredible. We wouldn’t speak to each other, but once we started playing together, words didn’t matter. The music, the notes and the chords, was able to transcend borders and language barriers and allowed us to all speak the same language.

Palm Springs, California – During the summer of 2012, my wife and I were getting ready to move from Ohio to Tennessee to take new teaching positions. However, earlier in the year, I had committed to playing drums at a conference in Palm Springs, not thinking anything of the date and jumping at the chance to hang out and play music with some old friends. The only problem was that due to the fact that we accepted our positions so late in the summer, the week that I was living it up at a 5-Star resort in the California desert was the same week that we (my wife, her parents and sister, and my mom) had to move us and all of our belongings to Clarksville, Tennessee. The opportunity to play music was great and I had a fun time, but I couldn’t enjoy it too much knowing that my family was living in a Days Inn waiting to move in to our brand new townhouse that hadn’t even passed inspection yet. This might be another “laugh about it now” moment. What do you say, Amber? Too soon for you, too?

My life was enriched by these experiences. I have literally been able to travel the county, the country, and the world simply because I am able to play an instrument. I would encourage you that if your kid is at all interested in music, give him or her the opportunity to pick up an instrument or get in the choir and give it a shot. There aren’t too many things in life that I can say that I’ve been doing since I was in kindergarten. In fact, through all the moving to different neighborhoods and schools, basketball and baseball games, friends and jobs, there really is only one thing that has never left. Outside of my family, music is my oldest and closest relationship. It’s given me many opportunities to go places I would have never been able to go without it, and honestly I don’t know where I’d be or what my life would be like without it.

What is ONE experience you hope your kid has as a musician?

Developing the Art of Asking Your Kid Tough Questions

Spending seven hours a day with middle school kids might be your definition of cruel and unusual punishment; something they would give as an option during sentencing. But for me, it’s my job and coupled with the fact that I get to wear gym shorts and t-shirts every day to work, it’s really not that bad.

And one thing I have learned (and am continuing to learn) as a middle school P.E. teacher is the art of asking tough questions to students. Now, when I say the word “tough”, I am really only referring to questions that might require a fair amount of introspection, honesty, and maybe even a little bit of vulnerability. And through my years of working with middle school students as a teacher (and also as a middle school youth pastor), I have come across a few ways to develop the art of asking your kid tough questions.

It all starts with something called “Question Equity.” This is basically the idea that in order to ask tough questions and truly get an honest answer from your kid, you need to build up “question equity” with them first. For your kid, honesty, vulnerability, higher level brain function, these are all considered “withdrawals” from your kid’s question bank.

If you have equity built up in the “bank”, you will have a better shot of getting an answer to one of your tough questions. Your kid may be really struggling with his instrument and you want to ask him how it’s going but if you have depleted funds in your kid’s “bank”, then you might have trouble getting anything out of him beyond a shrug and a grunt.

Every day, you get the chance to either make withdrawals or deposits into your kid’s “Question Bank” and based on those actions, your kid will be more or less likely to give you the response you were looking for. So in order to help you develop the art of asking your kid tough questions, here are some observations that I’ve had through working with students that can hopefully help you in your life.

1. Ask Small (At First) – From questions like, “Why are you not dressed out today?” to “Did you just put in another piece of gum?“, my day is filled with questions. And I know that if I ever want to get to the point where I can invest a little bit more in a kid, he needs to know that I’m going to not flip out over an answer or even a tone that I get while also receiving said answer. And if I’m ever going to get to the place where I can ask a student, “What’s wrong?” or “Is everything okay?“, I’ve got to show him that I can be trusted with the answers to the smaller questions.

Your kid needs to know that he can trust you and how you’re going to respond to answers that he gives you. This is not about an “I won’t tell anyone” kind of trust, but a “You can trust that I will treat you with respect because you are my kid and I love you” kind of trust. And when you show it in the little things and in the smaller questions, it’s like making little deposits into the bank. On their own, they’re not that impressive, but together built up over time, you have a sizable investment.

2. Ask Many – Most of my interactions with students during the day in the classroom, I mean, the gym. And from the moment the students walk into the locker room or into the gym to when they walk out into the hall on the way to their next class, I’ve only got a certain number of minutes with them. And as opportunities arise, I can either take the easy way through declarative statements or work a little harder and build up some question equity through strategic questioning. If I see a student that doesn’t have the correct shoes on, I could say, “Looks like you don’t have the right shoes today” or I could say, “Hey man, you had your gym shoes yesterday, what happened to them?” Each response from me addresses the situation, but the more times that I choose a question over a statement, the more ready the students are with a response.

As the parent of a musician, you will have ample opportunities to choose a question over a statement. And the more you choose to ask questions, the more you give your kid a chance to share with you where he’s coming from and what’s going on in his heart. If you see that he’s not improving, instead of saying something like, “If you’re not going to practice then maybe we need to find something else to do with all the money I’m spending on lessons”, try “Hey bud, do you feel like you’re getting it?” You know that he’s not getting it, but by asking him you are allowing him to tell you and to trust you with a little bit of vulnerability and honesty.

3. Ask Privately – Surrounded constantly is a good way to describe my proximal relationship to the students around me during my school day. And every once in awhile, I will have to ask a question that might require a little bit of that honesty that I’ve been trying to build up. Maybe it’s that same kid from earlier who’s not dressed out and it’s been four days straight. One option is to shout across my class of about thirty students, “Seriously, dude, you’re not dressed out again? Everybody else has figured out how to bring shorts and gym shoes to class, why haven’t you?” (*Side note – Sarcasm doesn’t help either). Another option is to approach him in a non-accusing way and quietly say something like, “Hey man, this is the fourth day in a row that you’re not dressed out. Is there something I can do to help you participate in this class?” Again, both address the same issue, but because I chose to ask privately, I am more likely to get a more honest response.

While you may not be in a gym with a 130 students, you might still be in situations that calls for a more private question. If you’re at the music store, asking across aisles or from the back of the store about your kid’s sensitive finger tips or even sensitive spirit is not going to build up much trust with your kid to the point where you can ask him tougher questions later. The less people around (especially peers), the higher the probability of getting a response that allows you to peer into your kid’s heart a little bit. If he only has to show you and he can trust you with his response, he will be more ready to share with you how he’s really doing and how things are really going.

Questioning is a tremendous tool to find how what’s going on in your young musician’s heart. But if there has been no question equity built up due to lack of trust or mishandling of previously given information, you are going to have a harder time gaining access to the level of vulnerability that you are looking for as a parent of a kid that you just want to see succeed. Take the time to make small investments in your kid’s heart by asking small, asking many, and asking privately and when the time comes when you need to ask that tough question, you won’t be denied due to insufficient funds.

What is a way that you’ve found to build up “Question Equity” with YOUR kid?

3 Steps to Finding The Perfect Instrument for Your Kid

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Yes, this is me. Do I look like a piano player to you?

You know that your kid loves the guitar. You’ve known that for years, now. He’s in fourth grade, but he knows almost too much about Jimmy Page and Keith Richards for your liking. He designs guitars on his notebooks for school and has pictures and posters of guitars on his wall. You may not know about the girls that are chasing him at recess or why he can’t seem to do better than a B- in math, but the one thing you do know is that your kid loves the guitar.

So why are you making him take piano lessons?

I believe for every kid, there is a perfect instrument; an instrument that aligns perfectly with the DNA of your kid so much that you or somebody you know might have already said, “That kid was born to play the ________.” But even with everything parents know about their kids, too many times kids find themselves holding and playing instruments that they don’t like playing, don’t like practicing, and are counting the days until you relent and let them quit.

But what if you could find the “perfect” instrument for your kid? What would your life look like if when you went to tell your kid to go practice his instrument, you couldn’t find him because he was already practicing his instrument? Growing up, it took my parents (and me) six years to find my “perfect” instrument. It was a long process, but one that eventually led me to the instrument that was made for me. And through that process, I’ve come up with some principles that you can use from my journey from the piano to the drums that will hopefully help you help your kid find his (or her) perfect instrument.

1. Take an Interest Inventory – I was one of those “constant tapper” kids who’s tapping the desk during class, walking down the stairs and tapping on the bannister, tapping my fingers on my plate in between bites at the dinner table. So when it came time to take an inventory of what I might be good at or interested in when it comes to instruments, my dad suggested the drums. He observed things that I was already doing and thought it might be a plausible idea to try out an instrument that aligned with something I was already interested in.

2. Take a LACK OF Interest Inventory – In addition to observing some of the things that I was interested in, my parents also observed the things that I was not interested in. And it was pretty obvious to both of them that playing the piano fell hard on the “not interested in” category. It was getting harder and harder to get me to practice (they even resorted to bribery and it worked!) and rather than viewing it as a situation where I just needed to buckle down and work harder, they saw it as an opportunity to possibly move from something I didn’t like and try something that I might truly enjoy.

3. Have a Conversation – During the middle of my sixth grade year, my parents actually had a conversation with me and talked about the piano and possibly switching to another instrument that I might be more interested in, like the drums. For me, quitting was never really an option that I was given, but something I was given was a chance to have a voice in the next step in my musical journey. We eventually settled on the drums and I immediately got an oversized hockey-puck-looking drum pad, a pair of Pro-Mark drumsticks, an instructional book, and a drum teacher and I never looked back.

I’m thirty-one years old and I’m still playing the drums. Sure, I play guitar also, but I would consider the drums my “perfect” instrument. I get the most enjoyment out of playing them and honestly if you told me today that I could only play one instrument for the rest of my life, I would have to think really hard about not choosing the drums (my heart would say “yes” but my ears would say “no”).

For your kid, there’s a perfect instrument out there for him. It took me six years to find mine, but I would imagine you could figure it out in a shorter time period. If you want your kid to fall in love with music and have it be something that he is able to enjoy for the rest of his life, take a focused look at the instrument that he is playing right now. Is he interested in it? Is he more interested in something else? Have you had a conversation about it yet? Begin the process today and you’ll be one step closer to helping your kid find the perfect instrument.

Based on the criteria above, what do you think is your kid’s “perfect” instrument?

You’re a Guitar Player. Your Kid is Not. Now What?

file5801272130943You’re a guitar player. You can’t imagine life without your guitar. Ever since you picked it up as a kid it has been a part of you. It has become an extension of your body and your soul and to take away your guitar would be equivalent to cutting out your heart. You love Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton, Stevie Ray Vaughan, and other great guitarists for their immense talent and you credit many of them with being the reason that you not only play the guitar, but are in love with music even to this day.

That’s what makes this so difficult.

You’ve tried everything. You brought home a Strat for him to learn on because its very easy to play. You taught him the “A” and the “E” chords and showed him how to go between them to get him started. You’ve made let him listen to your Hendrix albums so that he could hear the intricacies of the tone and the emotion in the notes that Jimi plays. You bought him a “It’s a Fender thing…you wouldn’t understand” t-shirt. You’ve paid for lessons from the top teachers in your area to teach your kid how to play in hopes that she would follow in your footsteps and fall head over heals in love with the guitar and music. You’ve tried everything.

And that’s what makes this so difficult.

Through all that prodding and pushing, you’ve come to the painful conclusion that your kid just is not a guitar player. It’s not your fault, it’s not your kid’s fault. That’s just the way it is. And before you abandon all hope, throw on your headphones and a Led Zeppelin album and let Jimmy Page soothe your inner pain, here are a couple of suggestions for what you can do for and with your kid.

1. Find Out What She Likes – Sure, she may not like guitar, but maybe she absolutely loves to dance, or draw, or even play basketball. Take the energy that you were spending trying to get her to love the guitar because you love the guitar and spend it learning more about the things that make her heart come alive. Maybe she doesn’t even know what she loves to do because you’ve been too busy trying to make that thing the guitar.

2. Give Her Some Space – Who knows, she may in fact have a desire to play the guitar, but not the way(s) that you have been trying to teach her. You’ve put so much pressure on her that it’s not fun, it’s never been fun, and she can’t see a scenario where it will ever be fun. Maybe what you need to do is just put the guitar in its case or on a stand, put an instructional booklet with it, and let her pick it up on her own terms. Since she would be learning on her own terms, she might be more likely to stick with it.

3. Let Her See How Much You Love It – For your kid, it might be a situation where whenever she sees you playing the guitar, it is a chore or a job and she has never seen you play the guitar just for enjoyment’s sake. Your kid will have her entire life to do things that she tolerates, but if she sees you practicing for the fun of it or even learning and playing some of her favorite songs, she will begin to attach her heart to the guitar without ever picking on up. And just because she doesn’t want to play the guitar as a twelve year old, doesn’t mean she won’t want to play it as an eighteen year old.

Remember that just because there are guitars around the house and you yourself are a guitar player, that doesn’t mean that your kid is going to share your same passion for the guitar, or even music at all. At this stage in her life, help her find the thing that makes her come alive, give her some space once she figures out what that thing is, and show her what it means to do something you love by modeling it for her. There is no downside here because whether she eventually comes around and learns to play the guitar or wants to pursue painting, she is doing something that she loves. And with so many things around her that will try to discourage from doing things she enjoys, let her see you be the first one cheering her on in her pursuit.

4 Things Song Lyrics Can Teach Your Kid About Learning an Instrument

8-03-1I’ve learned how to do many things throughout the course of my life. Many are helpful and useful in every day situations. However, many are rather trivial and do nothing but clog up my cranial hard drive with things like the “On Fire All Game” and “Dunk From Anywhere” cheat codes for NBA Jam and the correct path through the final castle in the original Super Mario Bros.

And while many of things that I have learned along my 31 year journey I have actively pursued to know, many things I have learned by either doing it over and over or it has been repeated in one form or another around me over and over. And one of those things that I do over and over is listen to music. And as I might put a playlist on shuffle or even an artist’s entire library, I have found that there are things that I have actually learned from the titles of songs that I listen to every day in my oversized headphones of solitude.

For example, I’ve learned that the first cut is the deepest from Sheryl Crowe, so now I only use plastic knives when I’m eating steak. I also learned that every rose has its thorn from Bret Michaels and Poison, so I always use gloves when I’m pruning. Life lessons, history’s mysteries, wrapped up in a catchy song title.

But there really are things that certain song titles can teach your kid about learning to play an instrument. Some of these your kid may have never heard before, some of them you may have never heard before. Either way, the lessons in the lyrics are as timeless as Greg Brady”s wardrobe. Here are a four of those lessons:

1. “Man in the Mirror” – Michael Jackson
If your kid is going to learn to play an instrument, at some point he’s going to have to say, “…that’s why I’m starting with me.” He might have to change his calendar around, stop watching television so much or spending so much time on his phone, but if he really wants to learn how to play an instrument, he needs to look in the mirror and tell that guy to get to work.

2. “Tomorrow’s Another Day” – MxPx
Not every day is going to be a breakthrough kind of day. There are going to be days, maybe even weeks where things aren’t clicking and it seems like improvement will never come. It’s during these times where your kid can be encouraged by the fact that no matter how bad today was, tomorrows another day to work hard and get better.

3. “The Climb” – Miley Cyrus 
Regardless of how you feel about her as a person, there are few songs that outline the struggle of learning to play an instrument like this one. With lines like, “It ain’t about how fast I get there/Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side”, this song shows the process of what it takes to truly learn an instrument. It’s not about taking a few days or becoming an expert overnight. It’s about taking it one day at a time and working harder every day to improve as a musician.

4. “Make Your Own Kind of Music” – Cass Elliot
As your kid learns to play his instrument, he will have a tendency to try to be like other people and even copy how other people play and dress because he’s unsure of who he wants to be. As a musician, teach your kid that it’s okay to be himself, to strive to be an original, and remind him to, “Make your own kind of music/sing your own special song/Make your own kind of music/Even if nobody else sings along.”

Whether it’s a song lyric or a song title, a movie clip or a television commercial, take the time to use media and the things that your kid might be into or interested in to teach him some lessons about learning to play an instrument. You never know which lesson from a song lyric or song title might be the one to catapult him into the great wide open.

What is another song lyric or song title that you can think of that could offer a lesson about life?

The Absolute Best Way For You to Teach Your Kid the Value of Hard Work

file0001674060519I teach middle school P.E. and many times throughout the year I am introducing new rules, concepts, or even games to students. And I try to use many different ways to teach them correct technique and get them to a place of better understanding. But while there is merit to using things like lecture style, a handout, or even a question and answer time, I’ve found that none of those teaching methods are nearly as effective as one other way: modeling.

If I’ve got a student who does not understand how to serve a volleyball, I will stand next to her, hold my arm out, and demonstrate exactly how I want her to hit the ball. I model it for her. I let her see me do it a few times so that she knows exactly what she should be doing and can say to herself as she’s learning, “This will work. This is the way that Coach Atkins told me how to do it.”

It might take longer for this student and she might have to work a little harder, but if I want her to really learn the concept well enough that she can do it on her own and with continued success,  I need to model it for her. I need to show her how to do it right.

As your kid learns to play her instrument, I’m sure you want her to work hard. You tell her that you want her to do her best and you tell her that working hard is the only way to learn to do anything of value. And telling her those things is very important because they are very true, but if you’re not modeling what it means to work hard, then not only will she have no idea how to do it, but she will have no desire to do it either.

You don’t have to be able to play an instrument to show your kid what it means to work hard. Here are a few ways that you can show your kid how to work hard:

  • As you do projects around the house
  • By sharing and talking about things you might be working on at your job
  • Have conversations with her about the value of hard work that don’t end with, “So get back up there and practice!”
  • Let her see the rewards and clue her in on the process on things that you have or can do because of hard work

Teaching your kid the value of hard work and doing things that, at the time, might not seem very fun so that she can reap the rewards later is a concept that is better caught than taught. Don’t rely simply on your words or admonishments to “Work hard” or “Work harder.” Let your kid see your actions match up with your words so that she can see not only the cost of working hard, but the benefits as well. And if you are modeling it and showing her the value of working hard at something, it’s one of the best ways that you can teach her.

What is one way that you’ve found that helps your kid learn the concept of “hard work?”

4 Ingredients for a Perfect Musical Memory Featuring a Dad, His Daughter, and Taylor Swift

IMG_1666Learning to play an instrument is hard for your kid. With all of the reasons to quit and all the distractions, he is going to need a strong love of music to help carry him through those difficult and discouraging times.

One of the best ways to build that love of music in your kid’s heart is to make musical memories with him. Musical memories are those memories that are tied to music in some way, either because you’re at a concert or because it was the album that you and your dad listened to every time you helped him work on the car. And just like you’ve got musical memories, your kid has them too and has the chance to make new ones every day. For your kid, it’s those memories that are able to strengthen his bond with music and will help him when he feels like he wants to quit.

I recently saw a video that features a dad and his daughter dancing to Taylor Swift’s new song, “Shake it Off” and thought it looked like a great musical memory that those two were able to make together. Take a moment, watch the video, and after you’re done and you’re reading the rest of this post, try to keep from humming that song. Nevermind, don’t try. It’s impossible.

I love watching parents have fun with their kids. As a new dad, it gives me some fun ideas for me to do with my daughter when she’s old enough to dance and strong enough to support the weight of her head under her own power. The best part about this video is that it’s not just a fun video but it’s also a tutorial for how to make the perfect musical memory. And while there is really no recipe for the “perfect” musical memory, if there was, I’m pretty sure it would contain these four ingredients:

1. Let Yourself Look Goofy – From the beginning as he enters the scene with a horse head mask, it’s clear that the dad has no problem with looking goofy. Show your kid that you’re willing to be goofy and look silly so he knows he’s free to express himself and let loose every once in awhile.

2. Let Your Kid Lead – Multiple times throughout the video, you’ll see that dad look at his daughter as if to say, “What are we doing next, honey?” Since there might not be that much that your kid is really “in charge of” at this point in his life, let him pick the wardrobe or choreography, or all of the above.

3. Let Him (or Her) Pick the Music – It’s probably not his favorite song, but he let his kid pick the music that she likes and I’m sure she was much more excited about it because of it. You may think your kid’s music is pretty terrible and in some cases it might very well be. But if you recognize that musical memories are not about you, they’re about your kid and his tastes, then I’m pretty sure he’ll have more fun with a song he likes than with something like, “The World I Know” by Collective Soul.

4. Let the Camera Roll – Video is forever and this little girl is forever going to have a two minute and forty four second reminder of the time her daddy put on a horse head and danced with her to her favorite Taylor Swift song. As much as you might want to keep things, “between us”, when you press “Record” on that camera, you are ensuring that whatever you’re doing together will get to be shared long after he grows up.

So the next time your kid wants to make a music video or some sort of musical memory with you, feel free to look a little goofy, follow your kid’s lead, let him pick the soundtrack, and don’t forget to press, “Record.”

I mean, come on, it’s not like anyone else is going to see it anyway.

If You Could Tell Your Kid One Thing

file9931300812873Your kid needs to hear from you.

More than your friend over coffee, more than your facebook or twitter followers, more than the other parents at football practice; your kid needs to hear from you.

He needs to hear that you think he’s got what it takes to learn to play an instrument.

He needs to hear that you love him even if he doesn’t play an instrument.

He needs to hear that it’s okay for him to think that learning an instrument is hard. It is.

He needs to hear that it’s okay for him to be frustrated.

He needs to hear that you’re willing to discuss quitting with him without flipping out and telling him how much his guitar cost.

He needs to know that it’s normal for his fingers to hurt and that he can take a break for awhile if he needs to.

He needs to hear that if he doesn’t love his current instrument, you’ll help him find one that he does.

He needs to hear that some days, doing “his best” simply means not giving up.

He needs to hear that you would pay a million dollars to go to his concert in the living room.

He needs to hear that the money you’re spending on lessons, equipment, and resources isn’t a burden on the family (even if it kind of is.)

He needs to hear that you don’t care how good the kid down the street is.

He needs to hear that his worth as a person and your kid doesn’t come from being anything more than a person and your kid.

Your kid needs to hear from you.

Today, right now, he needs to hear from you.

So, if you could tell your young musician ONE THING and you knew that he would hear it, what would it be?